My Heart been Broken

Hello
Well i am gonna talk about my broken heart. It has broken in million pieces, i dont know if ican stand another heart broke. I been praying, and praying, yet i am still married. I dont know how to get out. I am stuck. I been hurt so much, i dont think i can take anymore pain. I dont have a job, and not sure what to do.
Sometimes it seem ok in the marriage, and than something happens, and boom, there it is again..
I been mental abuse, emotional abuse, and physicial abuse.. He doesnot realize the physical abuse. But they say mental abuse takes longer to heal. Being put down,or criticize is harder, and name calling does hurt your self image, self esteem.
I am thinking to myself, i am not worthy, and not good enough to live.
I often thinking of dieing. But my faith in God has helped me to try to NOT think that way.
I hurt so bad, i want to just go home to heaven.
I missed my brother, and had given him up, but I put him back into my life, cause he CARES ABOUT ME.. (like a dad is supose to be..)
Noone knows about my pain, my hurt, depression.
Only GOd knows. I think he allowed a few close friends to me, to see what i am going though. They know and pray for me at church, and help me, etc.
One friend actually saved my life, she doesnot realized how she helped me.
I was thinking of sucide often, after being hurt by my husband, I got behind the wheel, and was feeling down and depressed but God has steelered me out of the way of the car that almost hit me ahead on, so it was close but i know GOd was watching out for me. God actually sent me a Messenger to be with me, and she has been a LIFESAFER.. Many times I thought of ending my life, cause of the DEEP pain in my heart, that creeped into my soul, that I WANTED TO GIVE UP..
I didnot know a person can hurt so Bad... I didnot know a person i love can cause me so much pain... I built walls up around my heart, cause i am afraid to hurt again.. I want out, even though i knew once I loved my husband, and i have mixed emotions about how i really feel... i think i love cause of the kids, but than part of me is like do i really love someone who hurts me this way, or acts this way? do i love this person who abandons me or injures me with his words. Do i really love the way he says things goes against my faith? I just dont know anymore... I have tried and prayed, and prayed, it has always been me trying..
He doesnot try.. not much, sometimes he did...
Ok, i said alot, gonna pray about it.. If you need help and youre in abuse relationship, seek help, talk to women who have been though, and pray, and seek GOd, he will help you. I am calling on GOd to help me and heal my brokeness..
I hope to find my way back..............................THanks